Flirting Fun - Dangers to Watch For
Always Be Nice
When you´re flirting, there´s always the chance that someone will come up to you that you´re not interested in, while the person you *are* interested in doesn´t approach. Don´t drive away the first person or, when they leave, make faces showing you´re glad! Your ´approachability´ is being judged by others who are watching you. If you make it seem that you´re not easy to talk to, or that you´re not welcoming talkers, then the other people you DO want to flirt with might stay away. If instead you use the first person to demonstrate how friendly and open you are, it might encourage the others to make a move.
That´s not to say you have to stay with the first person all night to be nice. Find a gentle way to say you want to mix with other people, and move on.
Be Sure to Brush!
Sometimes it´s things you don´t even think about that foil your flirting plans. How about brushing and mouthwashing! When you flirt, you´re up close and personal with someone you want to have fun with. You want them to enjoy the experience. Be sure to brush, floss, and use mouthwash right beforehand, otherwise they may be distracted from your technique by other things.
It may sound silly, but there are a lot of excellent flirts out there that end up driving away people becuase they forgot these simple steps!
Becoming a Gossip Item
While you may not care what other people think, it does end up affecting your relationship. If you are committed to your partner, you want people to know that. If you and your partner are known as being together, but every time you go out you´re seen flirting strongly with someone else, it´ll become known pretty quickly, and now you and your partner will have to deal with the gossip that results.
That´s not to say flirting is bad. Everyone loves to flirt! But if you´re with someone, you need to at least be aware of how what you do affects your relationship. There are enough huge hurdles for relationships to overcome without purposefully trying to drive a wedge between the two of you.
Imagine if you two go to a wedding and during the entire wedding your partner was pawing and schmoozing a pretty member of the opposite sex, while you sat and watched. Now imagine that every person for the next two months either made snide comments about it or joked about it with their friends. You can see how this might cause trouble for a relationship.
Flirt, but flirt wisely. Your partner should always be the prime focus of your attentions, otherwise it´s not really a relationship.
Coming On Too Strong
Flirting is about subtly drawing another person into your world. It´s not flirting when a caveman clubs a cavelady over the head with a club. It´s flirting when the lady at the bar looks down the bar at you through her bangs, smiling quietly before she looks back into her drink. It´s about those little tugs, that allure.
If you come on too strong, you risk scaring off the flirtee, who might be unsure of how to react. Try starting out slow - you can always increase the pace later, as you get a feel for the person you´re flirting with!
Consider your Partner´s Feelings
Flirting on its own is great fun. It makes you feel good, and it makes the flirtee feel appreciated too. However, if you´re obviously flirting with someone while your partner sits, wanting to be with you, your partner will wonder why you choose to spend time with someone else instead of him/her. To make your partner sit alone and just watch while you spend time and energy making someone *else* feel good can hurt your partner greatly.
You´re supposed to be the ´special one´ for your partner, and visa versa. If your partner is feeling neglected, while you´re spending all your time and attention with someone else, that´s going to cause trouble.
It´s one thing if you´re both at a party having fun, and while he talks to some people you´re flirting with others. Flirting is fun, after all! But if you´re somewhere that your partner has never been, and you ´abandon´ him or her to go off and flirt, that´s not very fair. You need to balance the needs of your partner with your own desires to meet new people.
Don´t Look Away Quickly
When you´re flirting with someone, one key is to make eye contact. If they see you looking at them, don´t immediately look away. It seems ´shifty´ - it makes them think you´re up to no good, and are trying to hide what you are doing. This makes them feel unsettled and uncomfortable.
Instead, smile at them for a second or so, and then casually look away again. It´ll let them know that you were looking at them in a friendly sort of way, something that just about anyone would enjoy immensely. Everybody likes to feel appreciated.
They call it the ´predatory stare´ - and someone who is being stared at feels that way. It feels really creepy, and people react very badly to it. Don´t stare at the person you´re interested in - just glance every once in a while, and smile if they see you before looking away. You want them to know you´re interested, not that you´re stalking them.
Most people are very sensitive about being appreciated for who they are - and not for their bodies. Most people feel that some part of thier body isn´t quite right, a little too big or flabby or whatever. If you start letting your eyes roam over their body, they´re worried that you´re looking for those flaws.
Instead, a good flirt focusses on the face, and makes the person feel appreciated *for* being a person. Flirting is about having fun and getting to know the person. If you really do end up being in a relationship later on, there´ll be time enough for appreciating their finer physical traits.
To Make your Partner Jealous
Something I see a fair amount of is people flirting on purpose with someone else to make their partner jealous. They feel their partner doesn´t appreciate them enough, so they go flirt with someone else, as if to say, "See, HE thinks I´m pretty" or "See, I could be with HER unless you shape up".
If you´re feeling neglected, the solution isn´t to upset and anger your partner. That might only cause him/her to neglect you even more, figuring you´re not really serious about the relationship, and cause a downward spiral. Also, you´re ´using´ the person you´re flirting with as a tool to needle your partner, which isn´t fair either.
Instead, sit down and talk with your partner. Explain that you´re feeling neglected, and find ways to help change that. If you deal with this honestly, that´ll make the relationship even stronger going forward. Relationships shouldn´t be based on manipulations and trickery.