Am I just being paranoid?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and i have been going out for about half a year now. I'm 19 and she's 18. We met in college and had a lot of classes together. When we first started going out we were very inseperable, and we tried to see each other whenever possible. We both had our own roomates, so any chance we had of finding privacy (example: roommate going home for the weekend) we'd take the opportunity to maybe spend the night together. Eventually, we fell in love and it felt great to tell her I loved her and to hear it from her.
Recently, though, she's grown a little more distant. When my roommate's gone she won't want to stay over anymore. The passion that I once felt from her, that I fell in love with, I see less every day. We used to have sex 3-5 times a week. Now, we haven't had sex in over 3 weeks. She says that she's stressed, and that it makes her lose her sex drive. I can believe that, but when she was stressed before it wouldn't affect our sex lives so severely then. When we're hanging out, she's still herself, and she's nice, but I don't feel like she's very attracted to me anymore, and her "I love you"'s feel empty.
One of the last times we had sex, I was (sorry for being a little blunt) giving her oral sex before we had intercourse. She shaves her pubic hair completely, and I found a long, dark pubic hair in her groin. My pubic region had not been near hers in several days, and she surely must have showered since the last time we had sex. I'm dark haired, too, but it confused me have found that there.
Also, when she has free time, she'll often tell me she has a lot of things to do. I ask her what, but her answers are extremely vague, dismissive, and don't always make much sense. If I pry too much she gets defensive. She also won't look me in the eye when she answers me. When she goes, I feel nervous, and am tempted to try to investigate in whatever form I can. Her background makes me nervous, too. She left her first notable boyfriend of 2 years for another guy after she cheated on him with the new guy. She left this new boyfriend for me after a year-long relationship. She almost cheated on him with me before she left him. I pray that she hasn't simply found someone to replace me.
I know the evidence isn't strong, but I can't shake the feeling that something's up.
Can these be signs that she's cheating on me?
Am I just over-reacting?
Thanks so much
The signs aren't looking very good.
You should have a long talk with her and tell her that you want to know what is going on. She is distant, a-sexual, and all of this can't be explained by pressure. Speak to her gently and with compassion.
If something is up, she is probably eager to get it out in the open.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at FlirtingClass.com
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