Am I overreacting or should I be concerned

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hey there...

My question is this.. I have been dating this girl for almost 3 months.. We are crazy about one another..Sex has never been an issue with us, we both love it. She has the highest libido of any woman I have dated.. I never have to worry about her not wanting to..I am down for it 99% of the time and the few times I have not been in the mood have been once I was sick and the other I was too tired..Now each time she has given me the impression she wasnt happy we didnt do it not in a bad way however..I want to make note that I have been trying to quit smoking and have not had a cigerette in 8 days..During this time I have been pretty irritable and sensitive to certain words and actions..Yesterday I was totally excited to have sex around I would say 5 in the afternoon..Now at about 7 pm we got into to some weird argument in which I completly didnt want to have sex anymore..I know it is the withdrawal moodiness and I lost interest..I made it clear to her that I wasnt really in the mood and that I was sorry.She also is sick with a bad cough but I know thats NOT an issue for her at all.The rest of the night I was a little standoffish which I explained to her was just my restlessness but I wasnt being mean or anything..I was just quiet..Now today I took the intitiave and wrote her an email stating how I apologize for the weird behavior and to please be patient with me..

To make note of something in her past relationship of 7 years she had sex issues with her ex the last 3 years that bothered her they basically never did it...

SOOO in her reply she mentioned 2 things that bothered me #

1) She explained how our situation last night with the quiet attitude reminded her of her problems with her ex..SNow I told her that hurt me and she simply explained that she was concerned that I would end up as someone that would push her away like her ex did. I can see that andI accept that explanation but I would still like your opinion...

#2)In her response she said " I was wondering if i was being PUNISHED" for not having sex and making it clear I didnt want to..Now that got me really mad and she later explained it crosssed her mind for a second but she ruled it out right away b/c she knew I wasnt someone that would do that...She spinned it off as nothing and that all it was is a quick though that meant nothing and she discarded it immedietly..I take it as that although she discarded the thought right away that deep down inside she really thought I was the type of person to do that !

Now we have ZERO trust issues , she is a great girlfriend but this bothers me ...Am I overreacting to either of these issues ?

Please tell me what you think ..Thanks , Jeff Advice
Yes I think you are overreacting.

And the reason is you are giving up smoking and are on edge. I really doubt any of this would have happened otherwise. Neither is anything to be concerned about.

Until you deal with the smoking issue, you should pretty much assume that minor disagreements are probably your fault.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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